Say My Name

Yesterday I was doing some mirror work in the bathroom.  By mirror work I mean, I was looking at myself in the mirror and saying positive affirmations, primarily, "I love you." It's a great technique for building self esteem and accepting ourselves as we are.  Many of you will find this exercise difficult, I certainly did at first, especially gazing into my own eyes and holding it there.  It's much easier to start looking for wrinkles, stray hairs and blemishes but with practice this exercise can become very powerful. I encourage you to give it a try.


I had a birthday last month, and for the first time I am struggling with my age because I'm actually starting to look it.  The image in the mirror isn't the me it used to be.  Gone is my trademark spiked hair.  Instead, it's growing into a mature, silver bob.  There's just a hint of softening around my jowls and let's be honest ladies, in our 40's we all battle the dreaded lady beard.  I'm a middle aged woman and I look like one.  However, despite all this I was able to appreciate the changes and admit to myself, I am pretty.  Please don't think me vain because I truly am not. This absolutely is not one of those "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" commercials that made us all cringe. However, I used to think of myself as cute but with age came maturity, wisdom and a sense of peace that shows on my face.  Apparently serenity is attractive.


I stated, "I love you, Amie" and had an epiphany of sorts.  I never hear my name, especially in that sentence.  As adults, people rarely speak our names directly.  We may be talked of, but not to.  Our partner may use our name to call us into another room but not as a term of endearment.  Hearing, "I love you, Amie" gave me a rush of warmth, it really touched a deep place in my heart.  I've been with my husband now for almost 3 years and quite honestly, his name still feels foreign on my tongue because he's become babe, hon and sweetness, never Ken.  Though I tell him I love him multiple times a day, I've failed to name him the individual as the recipient of my feelings.  Try using your partner's name when telling them you love them, it has much more meaning.  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you'll see I turned that revelation into a "Quickie". 


I also tried a new idea in this mirror session, I began affirming and accepting the parts of myself that I like least.  "I love your stubbornness.  I love your anger.  I love your laziness.  I love your lack of patience."  We all have a shadow self that we try to hide from others and even ourselves but it exists, it's real, as are the feelings it has.  Suppressing them does not make them go away.  They're still there, lurking shamefully in the shadows, whispering nasty nothings in our ears.  Accepting our dark side does not mean we give ourselves over to it.  We simply acknowledge that it exists.  We are aware of it.  We bring it out of the shadows and into the light but we don't allow it to take over.  


I hope you add mirror work to your daily self-care regime.  This simple yet powerful technique will have a significant impact on your life.  Please comment with your experiences using this practice. I'd love to hear your thoughts.


Blessings

Planning Ahead

Life is a series of never ending changes.  Caught unawares, more often than not, they can knock us right off of our feet.  Jobs are lost, people get sick, children move away and pets die.  Events like these leave us feeling desperate, anxious and out of control, frantically searching for a way to dull the pain.  Off balance and afraid, many of us resort to self-destructive methods such as drugs, alcohol, food or shopping but it's times such as these, when under extreme stress, that we most need to engage in healthy self-care behaviors.

When faced with a difficult period, it's wise to have a plan already in place.  I suggest making a list of 10 ways you can comfort yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually.  Write them down and keep copies of your list at home, the office and in your car so you are always prepared should a challenge arise.  My list looks something like this:

• I will rely on my husband or best friend for support.
• I will eliminate anything that is not absolutely necessary from my To Do list.
• I will remember to eat only healthy and nourishing foods to maintain my strength.  
• I will take time to pray and meditate in the morning and again before bed.
• I will spend time outside each day reflecting on the beauty found in nature. 
• I will refrain from watching or reading disturbing news stories.  
• I will remember to recite my daily affirmations.  
• I will avoid negative and needy people. 
• I will relax my expectations for cleanliness around the house.
• I will remember that change is inevitable, worry a worthless waste of energy and everything happens for a reason.   

Over the next several days, pay attention to the things you do to keep yourself grounded.  Create your list based on these activities and you'll be able to remain strong and centered during times of crisis.



  

It's Just Another Day

It's that day again...That dreaded V-Day.  When I was divorced, nothing depressed me more than being without a partner during the holidays.  Then just when I managed to get through the worst of them, along came Valentine's Day to kick me in teeth & it was back to bed with my tissues, a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream.  Exactly what every single adult needs smack dab in the middle of the dreariest month of the winter season, a reminder that everyone is in love but them.  But as I learned over those 10 lonely years, it doesn't have to be that way. 

For a great many of those loving couples, Valentine's Day is as much a fantasy as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and good ol' Cupid himself.  They don't purchase gifts, cards, flowers and chocolates as a sincere token of love and affection for their partner; they do it because they know there will be hell to pay if they don't.  How many of those men (and women too I'm sure) waited until the last possible minute to head to the store?  Have you witnessed the panic, smelled the desperation found in the Walmart card aisle at 5:15 on Feb. 14th?  Ahhhhhh, the love! 

If you're sans partner this Valentine's Day, don't let the hype bring you down.  Instead, give yourself the love you deserve, love that is real and not some stale old cliche found in an over-priced Hallmark card that will end up in the trash bin next week.  Go out with friends. Treat yourself to a massage or a pedicure.  Order dinner in and watch a movie (nothing sad and no romantic comedies).  Go ahead, buy yourself some chocolate but make it the good stuff, no coconut please.  Take a long bubble bath then curl up with a new book.  Love the one you're with honey, and that one is you!

And if all else fails, just remember...you can survive anything for 24 hours. It'll all be over in the morning.