One of Those Days

"I still have bad days but that's okay.  I used to have bad years."  ~ Anonymous

So today is one of those days.  We all have them.  Days when we're sad, weepy, grumpy and miserable for no apparent reason.  And you know what, it is perfectly okay to have them.  No one can be on top of their game every day.  We're over-tired, our defenses are low, dreary weather drags us down and we wake up to find an engraved invitation to a pity party with ourselves listed as the guest of honor. 

If at all possible, give yourself the break your mind, body and spirit so desperately need.  Call in sick and spend the day taking care of yourself in all your favorite ways knowing that if you do, most likely you'll be back in action by tomorrow.  

So stay in your pajamas, hide under the covers, grab a box of tissue and feel all those feelings. Acknowledge them, surrender to them, wallow in them for a time, accept them and let them go.  Most importantly, don't beat yourself up.  Life is about balance. 

Think back to your playground days and the teeter totter.  Remember how it felt to be stuck at the top, your feet just dangling, helpless until the person on the bottom let you back down?  Remember how hard it hurt when they let you drop too quickly and you smashed your butt on the ground when you landed?  It was more fun and much less painful when the two of you agreed to take it easy and hang out in the middle, never going too far up or too far down.  

Don't fight the laws of nature.  What goes up, must come down but with practice, the downs won't be as jarring as they used to be.  Nothing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a day of a cartoons can't fix. 

Take care of yourself.  You're the only you you've got.

The Secret...No, Not That One

Psssst.  Come here.  No closer.  I want to tell you a secret.  No one knows this so please keep it to yourself.  Okay, here it is...I weigh 148 lbs.  Really, I do, 148.  The only reason I'm telling you now it because I've finally come to accept that fact.  I'm 4' 11-1/2" tall and I weigh 148 lbs. and I'm totally fine with that.  Well, maybe not totally fine but fine enough.  Of course I'd love to be a size 2 but I'd also love to live on my very own deserted island, neither of which is going to happen in this lifetime.  It's time to come to grips with reality and accept things as they are. 

Oh, I'm sure I could weigh less, in fact I have, but not without a whole lot of effort and some pretty unhealthy habits.  There have been periods when I worked out 3 or 4 hours a day, counting every calorie burned against every calorie consumed.  Notebooks in which every bite of food was recorded and broken down by calories, fat grams, and carbs.  I've searched the internet for anorexic websites hoping to learn new tricks like drinking broth, only 5 calories per cube you know.  I've ingested enough water in a day to fill a swimming pool, dangerously washing vital electrolytes out of my system.  There were handfuls of herbal colon cleanse nightly because as long as it's natural I can claim that I'm not addicted to laxatives.   

The scale became an appendage, it went everywhere.  As a sales rep, if I travelled out of town and drove, it came with me.  I hated the trips where I had to fly and leave it at home.  In fact, I missed it more than my family.  I learned where to stand to get the best reading (be sure to exhale because that breath of air might just register) and if I didn't like what it said the first time, I just might get a better number on the 7th or 8th try.  My mood for the entire day depended on what the scale said.  Heaven help us all if it went up, picture the Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys.  (Shudder).

During those periods, friends made comments about how thin I was getting.  They discussed options for intervention and encouraged me to see a doctor.  The scary fact is, the doctor never said a word because even then the scale said I weighed a healthy 119 lbs., well within the "normal" range on the BMI chart for a woman my size.  I still remember a doctor telling my 9 yr old self that the rule was 5' - 100 lbs.  5' - 100 lbs, 5' - 100 lbs...that rule might well have been branded on my brain.  It wouldn't have mattered though, at 100 lbs, I'd have wanted to weigh 95 lbs.  No number would have been good enough.  Even I could see how bad I looked, old and gaunt but that didn't matter, it was all about what the scale said.  The number was everything.

After decades of fighting, I finally gave up the battle.  I'm tired, I just can't expend so much energy focusing on a number.  Instead, I made a decision to let it go and just be healthy and happy.  Per my request, my husband hid the scale and after I searched the house to find it, he hid it again, better.  Once I made it through the DT's from quitting cold turkey, I was amazed to see how much brain power was freed up with no number to obsess about, no calories to count, nothing dictating what my mood would be that day.  Oh, so this is life.  Who knew?!

So here I am today, a vegetarian, eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds.  I don't drink soda, alcohol or juice.  I walk the dog for 30 minutes every day and lead a very active life.  I'm aware of but not obsessed with my weight and if I have a piece of chocolate I no longer beat myself bloody for being weak.  This is a lifestyle, not a diet.  I'm proud of my clean and healthy living and am not willing to kill myself to be any thinner.  Apparently my body is comfortable being 148 lbs since this is where it stays and that's good enough for me.  It's called acceptance and it's incredibly freeing.  Try it!  Go look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I accept you just the way you are."  Keep saying it, every day until you believe it. 



 

Kryptonite

Who's your kryptonite?  We all have one.  You know, that person that can make you feel small and stupid with just a look.  Despite swearing to ourselves that we won't let them get to us this time, we do.  And the next thing we know, we're handing them our power right there on a silver platter and we're left with nothing but anger and self-loathing for being weak once again.  Is it your mother?  Your ex?  Your boss?  Who?

This afternoon a friend asked me to help her come up with a mantra to build strength when dealing with her ex-husband.  Mind you, this woman is beautiful, intelligent and strong.  She is such a phenomenal burst of energy packed into a pint sized body, nobody would ever suspect that she could be intimidated by anyone, but she, like the rest of us has her kryptonite.  I came up with the following mantra on her behalf but think we can all benefit from the message it holds.

"I am strong, smart, confident and powerful.  I have done and will continue to do great things with my life.  No one can, nor will I allow anyone to try, to take that from me.  I own my own power in all situations."  

Say it outloud, repeat it often and keep it handy should you be exposed to your version of kryptonite.   

Blessings

Zombieland

Hands down the number one complaint I hear from people my age is the inability to fall asleep and stay asleep.  We spend precious hours every night tossing and turning, hopping from bed to couch and back to bed silently counting down in our heads, "If I can just get to sleep right now, I'll have 5 (then 4...3..okay 2) good hours of sleep before work.  I can live on that."  Well the truth is folks, we can't live on that.  Our bodies require a good night's sleep to maintain our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  We are quickly becoming a nation of churlish, coffee guzzling zombies, stumbling through each day in a fog.  Good thing there's a Starbucks on every corner, right?.  Wrong.  

Stress, the foods we eat and plain old bad habits all play a part in keeping us from finding the elusive sleep we crave so greatly.  Here are a few ideas to help you prepare your body for a good night's rest.

• Reduce stess by practicing yoga, meditation, belly breathing, acupressure, reiki, reflexology, visualization or massage. 
• Take a hot bath.
• Exercise, but no less than 3 hours before bedtime. 
• Don't listen to or watch the news before bed.
• Practice positive thinking and affirmations.
• Lavender has been proven to reduce anxiety and improve sleep. (I sprinkle a couple of drops of essential lavender oil on a tissue and place it under my pillow.  Works like magic!)
• Avoid sugar, coffee, soda, alcohol and nicotine.  Have a cup of herbal tea instead.
• Keep a regular schedule, go to bed and wake up at the same time.  Yes, even on the weekends.
• Keep as much sound and light out of your bedroom as possible. Turn off and unplug the tv, computer, cell phones, etc. 
• Don't eat a large meal before bed. Avoid anything heavy or spicy.   
• Keep your bedroom cool, comfortable and clutter free. 
• Your bed should be used for only two activities, sleep and sex.  That's it.  No watching tv, no reading, no laptop.  Sleep and sex. 
• Keep relaxation as your focus, not sleep. Don't try so hard.

With a little planning and preparation you can set the stage for night of blissful repose.  Sleep, it does a body good.  You should get some.

Good night and sweet dreams.