Say My Name

Yesterday I was doing some mirror work in the bathroom.  By mirror work I mean, I was looking at myself in the mirror and saying positive affirmations, primarily, "I love you." It's a great technique for building self esteem and accepting ourselves as we are.  Many of you will find this exercise difficult, I certainly did at first, especially gazing into my own eyes and holding it there.  It's much easier to start looking for wrinkles, stray hairs and blemishes but with practice this exercise can become very powerful. I encourage you to give it a try.


I had a birthday last month, and for the first time I am struggling with my age because I'm actually starting to look it.  The image in the mirror isn't the me it used to be.  Gone is my trademark spiked hair.  Instead, it's growing into a mature, silver bob.  There's just a hint of softening around my jowls and let's be honest ladies, in our 40's we all battle the dreaded lady beard.  I'm a middle aged woman and I look like one.  However, despite all this I was able to appreciate the changes and admit to myself, I am pretty.  Please don't think me vain because I truly am not. This absolutely is not one of those "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" commercials that made us all cringe. However, I used to think of myself as cute but with age came maturity, wisdom and a sense of peace that shows on my face.  Apparently serenity is attractive.


I stated, "I love you, Amie" and had an epiphany of sorts.  I never hear my name, especially in that sentence.  As adults, people rarely speak our names directly.  We may be talked of, but not to.  Our partner may use our name to call us into another room but not as a term of endearment.  Hearing, "I love you, Amie" gave me a rush of warmth, it really touched a deep place in my heart.  I've been with my husband now for almost 3 years and quite honestly, his name still feels foreign on my tongue because he's become babe, hon and sweetness, never Ken.  Though I tell him I love him multiple times a day, I've failed to name him the individual as the recipient of my feelings.  Try using your partner's name when telling them you love them, it has much more meaning.  If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you'll see I turned that revelation into a "Quickie". 


I also tried a new idea in this mirror session, I began affirming and accepting the parts of myself that I like least.  "I love your stubbornness.  I love your anger.  I love your laziness.  I love your lack of patience."  We all have a shadow self that we try to hide from others and even ourselves but it exists, it's real, as are the feelings it has.  Suppressing them does not make them go away.  They're still there, lurking shamefully in the shadows, whispering nasty nothings in our ears.  Accepting our dark side does not mean we give ourselves over to it.  We simply acknowledge that it exists.  We are aware of it.  We bring it out of the shadows and into the light but we don't allow it to take over.  


I hope you add mirror work to your daily self-care regime.  This simple yet powerful technique will have a significant impact on your life.  Please comment with your experiences using this practice. I'd love to hear your thoughts.


Blessings

Energy Healing for Children with Autism

I recently accepted a position as a line therapist providing behavior modification therapy to autistic children in their homes.  As a highly sensitive and empathetic person, this is both an incredibly rewarding and completely heartbreaking position.  I have developed a special connection with the kiddos on my teams and it's become very apparent that I was gifted with the ability to intuitively sense how to reach into their private world and gently draw them out.  They respond well to my peaceful demeanor and positive energy by becoming quite calm, frequently seeking physical comfort and maintaining eye contact for extended periods of time.  


During my very first session with a child that was labeled low functioning on the autistic spectrum, I watched while a veteran therapist enthusiastically tried to engage him in play becoming more and more animated, speaking louder and louder, which only increased his agitation.  I sat quietly on the floor observing the struggle.  Within minutes, the child came over and sat on my lap and reached up to stroke my face.  The other therapist was amazed when he then turned around, looked into my eyes for several moments and leaned forward rubbing his cheek against mine.  For several weeks during my training period, this therapist  and I provided therapy together.  She continued to try to engage him with her excitement, singing loudly over his cries of frustration, which eventually led to the child behaving increasingly aggressive towards her, pushing, shoving, throwing stimuli and becoming non-compliant. He'd push her away and turn me burying his face in my stomach seeking peace.  Mind you, she'd been on this case since the child started the program 9 months ago.  Completely new to the position, I hesitated to intervene though every instinct in my entire body was begging her to stop.  Soon my spirit had had enough and I subtly started taking over the sessions.  While she sang "London Bridges", I'd join in but at a whisper.  My new friend would immediately be at my side.  Any physical contact would have to be initiated by him, as I understood that additional stimulation was not what he needed at that moment. Thankfully, a few sessions later my training was complete and I was providing therapy on my own. Notably, there has never been an incident of physical aggression towards me during a session.  Even when extremely frustrated, he's maintained control.  


This child talks and sings constantly though it's not always clear what is being said.  He doesn't actually converse; he may mimic words and phrases but typically not when prompted.  Sadly, his main interaction with the world outside of therapy is with the television which leads to some interesting comments.  Once when I asked him to, "Come on" he responded with, "Come on down!  You are the next contestant on The Price is Right!"  There was a period when "dry, scaly feet" was a favorite and "You're under arrest!" One day someone somewhere received a "$1,000.00 consolation prize.  It wasn't me.  When presented with a new body sock, he crawled inside and I inquired, "Where are you?"  From inside the sock I hear, "Scooby Scooby Doo, where are you?" sung exactly in tune. That right there is the kind of moment that keep me doing this.  


We use a lot of food reinforcement with this kiddo which the family is to provide.  Even I got sick of giving him goldfish crackers and brought in some Apple Jacks and marshmallows, both of which turned out to be big hits.  "Apple Jacks" was easy for him and lead to "Cinnamon Cheerios, Corn Pops, yummy, yummy in my bowl."  (I have no idea on that one.)
A couple days later, the senior therapist was sitting in on a session and neither of us could figure out why he kept saying, "more shows, more shows".  Duh...marshmallows.  How could we not figure that out?


There's a list of songs we sing and recently he's starting joining in.  He'll sing a line, we will sing the next, he the next and so on.  Sometimes we even make it through a complete song.  "Twinkle Twinkle", "Itsy Bitsy Spider", and "It's Raining, It's Pouring" are favorites.  My son made me sing "You Are My Sunshine" to him every night before bed so I've been singing it during sessions too.  It's not on the list so it's not being sung by the other therapists on the team, it's sort of ours alone.  The senior was observing again the other day when out of the blue we hear, "Please don't take my sunshine away."  I thought I'd cry but he had more, "how much I love you."  That did it.  I know he was only mimicking the song and not actually saying "I love you" but he certainly showed me he does in the only way he knows how at this point.


I told the senior about a technique I use with him to provide additional positive reinforcement.  Very, very slowly and gently, barely touching his skin, I run the tips of my fingers up and down his bare arms, over his head and cheeks.  He'll raise his arms for more while he looks me in the eye, getting this completely dreamy look on his face.  For those few minutes, he's utterly at peace and completely connected to another person.  It's pretty incredible to see.  After our demonstration, the senior commented on the relationship he has with me and that I really should market my healing services to autistic children.  


Hmmm...Now there's an idea I think I need to explore.

Surviving as an Empath

Empaths are highly sensitive people with the advanced ability to tune into the emotional, mental and spiritual energies of those around them.  They are warm-hearted and caring people that typically are drawn to professions where they are in service to others such as education, counseling, medicine and the healing arts.  


While truly a gift, this ability to feel what others are feeling so deeply can also be damaging if the empath isn't properly protected.  Like a psychic sponge, the empath picks up energy everywhere they go so it's important that they build a strong boundary or shield around themselves using visualization techniques and also that they perform cleansing rituals to rid themselves of negative energies acquired throughout the day.  When an empath starts feeling depressed or angry or develops a headache or tension they must ask themselves, "Is this mine?"  If it is not, they need to remove themselves from the situation or perform the protection and cleansing methods described below.

Traits of an Empath

• Acute senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, smell)
• Easily hurt or offended and unable to get over it or let it go
• Intuitive awareness of the feelings of others, especially for those in pain or suffering
• Avoids conflict and strives to keep things harmonious between others
• Finds people including complete strangers telling them deeply personal matters
• Uncomfortable in crowds or noisy environments
• Animals and children are drawn to them
• Cries easily when deeply touched emotionally
• Enjoys music and the arts
• Affected by changes in the weather
• Finds water deeply soothing and restorative

Protection Techniques

• Visualize yourself surrounded by a circle of white light at all times, keeping positive energy in and locking out negative energy.
• Meditate and use affirmations such as "I surround myself with divine protection.  I allow nothing but positive thoughts and energy to affect me.  I will not not be influenced by the negativity of those I encounter."  
• Use Donna Eden's Zip Up method seen here:

Cleansing Techniques

• Take a shower, visualize the water washing away all negative energy from your aura.
• Bathe using a sea salt scrub.  
• Burn incense or smudge with white sage.
• Rub a metal spoon over the bottom of your feet to draw out negative energy.
• Walk barefoot in the grass, feeling yourself become grounded.
• Reiki, meditation and crystal therapy are also all beneficial to balancing energies.

While the gift of empathy for many is a double edged sword, with careful diligence to self-care and empath can use their abilities to the highest and greatest good while maintaining their own health and well being.

Sacred Space

We all need a space of our own, a small sacred space that our soul can call home.  

One of the hardest adjustments I had to make after moving into my husband's house, was finding a place inside of it where I feel at home.  

My sons and I grew up together in the house I purchased shortly after my divorce from their father.  We lived there for 10 years and everything in it was ours, the furniture, the clutter, the cracked walls and the memories. As a Cancerian woman, my home and my family are the center of my universe, and I took a lot of pride in the haven we created. It was my retreat, my anchor, my sanctuary, and most days there wasn't a place I'd rather be.  

Then I met my husband, fell instantly in love and had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life.  As single parents we both were financially strapped, the housing market tanked and there was no way we could both sell our homes in order to purchase something of our own together.  His home was larger and in the school district in which he taught so it was up to the boys and I to move into his place.

The transition was difficult for us all.  I had to face constant reminders of the life he had with his ex-wife, knowing each item inside the house had its own memories attached to it, none of which included me.  His kids had to get used to having to share their space with 3 new people, to an organizational freak of a stepmother that likes things placed just so, new rules, chores and expectations.  My boys had to give up separate rooms and go back to sharing one bedroom, a fenced-in backyard where our dog could run free to chase squirrels and the home I promised them (after several tumultuous years) we would never leave.  It was rough, my heart broke for them and for myself and I agonized over asking them to make such a sacrifice.  

My husband and I stayed in the small bedroom giving the larger master suite to the boys to share.  We couldn't even fit all of our clothes in there, let alone any of my personal "treasures."  My stepdaughter had always occupied the finished attic, consisting of 3 small rooms.  After many months of holding me while I cried, frustrated with having no where to hide and unable to perform all the daily self-care rituals that kept my spirit healthy, my husband made the decision to move his daughter to our small room, allowing us to take over the top floor.  Suffice to say, it was not an easy undertaking and we all came away with some battle scars but it was the best decision in the end.  

We turned one room into our bedroom, another holds the excess stuff accumulated over two middle aged lifetimes and the third has become my sacred space.  In it I've placed all the things that bring me comfort and peace, soothe my soul and calm my mind.  My favorite leather chair, the first real item of furniture I bought on my own, in which my cat and I cuddle together while I read or take a nap.  The antique oak dresser and matching wall mirror my grandmother gave to me several years before she passed away knowing I was the one that would appreciate them most.  As my spiritual journey continues, new things are added, crystals, tarot cards, prayer beads, stones, shells and candles.  The afternoon sun shines in the window giving the whole room a heavenly glow.  This is where I meditate, pray, write and heal.  While I have to admit, the house still doesn't feel like home, this small corner of it does.  It is a place that I can call my own.  

Do you have a room, a closet, a corner where you go to escape the world?  What place does your soul call home?

  

One of Those Days

"I still have bad days but that's okay.  I used to have bad years."  ~ Anonymous

So today is one of those days.  We all have them.  Days when we're sad, weepy, grumpy and miserable for no apparent reason.  And you know what, it is perfectly okay to have them.  No one can be on top of their game every day.  We're over-tired, our defenses are low, dreary weather drags us down and we wake up to find an engraved invitation to a pity party with ourselves listed as the guest of honor. 

If at all possible, give yourself the break your mind, body and spirit so desperately need.  Call in sick and spend the day taking care of yourself in all your favorite ways knowing that if you do, most likely you'll be back in action by tomorrow.  

So stay in your pajamas, hide under the covers, grab a box of tissue and feel all those feelings. Acknowledge them, surrender to them, wallow in them for a time, accept them and let them go.  Most importantly, don't beat yourself up.  Life is about balance. 

Think back to your playground days and the teeter totter.  Remember how it felt to be stuck at the top, your feet just dangling, helpless until the person on the bottom let you back down?  Remember how hard it hurt when they let you drop too quickly and you smashed your butt on the ground when you landed?  It was more fun and much less painful when the two of you agreed to take it easy and hang out in the middle, never going too far up or too far down.  

Don't fight the laws of nature.  What goes up, must come down but with practice, the downs won't be as jarring as they used to be.  Nothing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a day of a cartoons can't fix. 

Take care of yourself.  You're the only you you've got.